How to Discern Homeschooling

7 tips for making the choice

“What if the Catholic school in your area was just phenomenal?” a friend recently asked me. “If they did a fantastic job, wouldn’t you prefer someone else do all that work?” 

Her question surprised me, and I was grateful to have the chance to reflect. “No,” I answered, “Not at all.” The truth, I realized, was that there was nothing our local parish school needed to do better to lure us back. For us, homeschooling isn’t about running away from a bad school system. It’s about what we’re running to. 

Opting out of a flawed system of conventional education probably makes the list for many homeschooling families, but I’d venture to guess that for most, the flaws that drive them away are not nearly as compelling as the benefits that draw them to homeschooling. And while those benefits might be readily apparent to parents who were homeschooled themselves as children, or to those who have a lot of exposure to homeschooling families, the rest of us “homeschool curious” are left with a conventional schooling experience and the intuition that there may be something of substance in this alternative approach. For parents who are feeling drawn to homeschooling, here are seven tips for making your choice.

1. Find your “why.”

It may be that you are reading this post because you’re running into problems with the school system and hoping for an escape. Between morally objectionable programs of sexual education, school shootings, or being denied the right to participate in your child’s education, there are serious and legitimate reasons to consider moving away from the school system. Still, fear does not make a great foundation for decision-making, and it probably won’t be enough to get you through the tough days (and there will be tough days!). 

If you want to homeschool, it is essential to find your why. Is it more family time? Freedom to travel? The ability to customize your child’s education? It is absolutely essential for you and your spouse to find your reasons and write them down. Make a mission statement for your family that can serve to bolster your convictions during hard times and serve as a litmus test when considering how any particular curriculum or activity serves to further (or detract) from that mission. 

2. Explore options and find inspiration.

When I was curious about homeschooling, I was blessed to attend a local retreat for Catholic homeschooling moms. Hearing their stories was transformative; it helped me understand concretely the beauty, blessings, and struggles I could expect if our family made this shift. If you can, find other families nearby who can help paint a realistic picture of what homeschooling can look like. 

Kirk Cameron’s The Homeschool Awakening is a must for all families currently homeschooling or in the process of discerning making that change, but it is especially helpful for those of us with little prior exposure to homeschooling to help expand our imaginations as to the many forms this educational alternative can take. 

There is a wealth of examples of different homeschooling styles and philosophy on YouTube. While this can be overwhelming, it is also a great resource for ideas (and can save a lot of time and money in making curriculum choices!). 

I’d also recommend reading Real Learning Revisited by Elizabeth Foss (start with the last chapter and then go back) and Teaching from Rest by Sarah MacKenzie. “Read Aloud Revival” and “The Commonplace” are fantastic podcasts for ongoing inspiration.  

3. Seek community.

It is not good for man to be alone. The same is true for the homeschool mom. We are made for community, and we need to walk with others along whichever road it is we choose to travel. Our family has been blessed to be a part of two different co-op communities, and have grown so much through those friendships. 

As a new homeschooling mom, I found encouragement and connection. I learned so much from experienced moms about the practicals of homeschooling: how it looks at different stages, which curriculum to choose, how to set up our day, and how to conquer little setbacks and pivot when strategies aren’t working. I continue to find essential support from their wisdom and example. 

It also helps to have other families with similar values trying to accomplish the same goals. When you’re swimming upriver, it’s nice to be able to turn to someone facing the same currents to remind you that your fight isn’t crazy (or if it is, that at least you’re not alone in trying to face it!). 

4. Prioritize and customize. 

One of the ways homeschooling really shines is the ability to tailor a child’s education. One of the less widely understood gifts is the ability to select your responsibilities as a teacher. You can outsource responsibilities via online classes, co-ops, art centers, sports, tutors, and even the YMCA or your local city parks and rec department. You can let go of the feeling that you have to “do it all” because 1) you probably can’t, and 2) you don’t have to!

Sarah MacKenzie recommends reviewing every 6 weeks. This ongoing evaluation serves the homeschool parent first by forcing a commitment for a period of time, preventing a constant shuffling of curriculum every time a roadblock comes up. It also allows flexibility and freedom to let go of something that isn’t working, without locking a family into that curriculum or program for a year or even longer. 

5. Prep for the bad days. 

Not every day brings sunshine. There will be storms, and occasionally a hurricane or two. As a homeschool parent, you don’t have to trudge on in the middle of a deluge. The schedule is your call. Stomach flu running rampant? School is canceled. Kids are crying and mom is impatient? Time for a dance party. Lean into the flexibility of managing your own schedule. 

School kids get snow days; our family has spring “sun days” when the weather is finally warm enough to enjoy being outside. Homeschool kids can pause for popcorn and a movie, have a rainy reading day, or pop out for a quick hike or tide pool exploring just to reset the mood.

6. Embrace the “gaps.”

One of the common fears about homeschooling is the “gaps.” For the most part, parents are not trained as educators. What if we miss something? 

First, try this exercise: List everything you remember about Ancient Greece. List the properties of matter. Write out the quadratic equation. How much of what you learned in school (or forgot you learned) has been critical? Conversely, how much critical knowledge do you plan to leave your children without? As a freshman in college, I remember teaching scholarship students how to do a load of their own laundry. The point is, every academic program will privilege some skills and let others fall to the wayside. 

Even if you were presented with a perfect “gapless” education (were you, really?), there will be plenty you don’t remember, and even more still that you just don’t know. (It really isn’t even possible to learn everything). Families who school at home are generally less concerned with gaps in discrete knowledge and subject-specific skills, and more concerned with the gaps of conventional schooling: critical thinking, character education, and love of learning. These are areas that the conventional schooling model struggles to address, and that individualized attention from a homeschool parent is primed to focus. 

7. Just do it. 

I like to call this piece of advice discerning by doing. Sometimes, we can get so caught up in the fear of making the wrong decision that we end up making no decision at all (despite the fact that that, in itself, becomes our decision by default). If you are stuck on repeat, make the leap. If you’re feeling called to try it, try it! Trying it for a year doesn’t need to mean a permanent commitment. We have novitiates and engagements for a reason; sometimes we need to live a commitment (or near to it as we can get) before we can really understand what it is we are undertaking. The reality may be very different than we’ve imagined. 

For us, homeschooling has been more beautiful, more fruitful, more freeing, and much, much less difficult than we’d pictured. It’s required a lot of adaptation and flexibility. But we never would have known any of it unless we tried.

Take it year by year, but as much as is possible, try to commit for a full year. This allows you to experience a fuller range of ups and downs, storms and fair weather. If you do feel like quitting, keeping that commitment can keep you from abandoning ship prematurely, as well as to help you determine whether there is a consistent pattern that needs addressing. Knowing that can mean the difference between constant second-guessing and feeling peace and confidence in deciding to expel your homeschooler. 

One last piece of advice: keep discerning. The root of the word “discern” is “to sift.” If we think about discernment as a continual process of sifting through our days to find the specks of gold and let the grains of sand fall through, we will become experts at recognizing those “golden moments” that cue us into our deepest desires for ourselves. We can then bring these to God in prayer, seeking to follow where his voice might be directing our paths. 

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